Its monday again

How the weekend flies.....! I actually hate it when Sunday evening dawns on me.

Its another new week and sad to say I am back in Penang once more.
Say what you like.. wow so nice ah.. to be able to fly here fly there. Well, I tell ya! Its no FUN! Quite stressful.

Well, at least de "lady" is back from holidays for only 3 days.. Aiyah where got people plan their leave like this one!!!! CACAT!!!!

Anyways.. she decided that she wanted to take over and do it on her own instead of telling me what to do or guide me. So be it lah!!!!! Anyways.. i go back with no knowledge what so ever.... Now I am just afraid that, when I get back to KL, I am expected to know! Whatever...

Its Friday - is there anything to be excited about?

Alrighty!!!!! Yippeeee... Dup dup bi do....

Its Friday which also means that I get to go home today. Flight is at 6.30pm today. Who gives a shit if they say I am leaving too early? I don't want to die at work man... imagine dropping dead at work. I already had 2 colleagues who died becoz of work. So one should ask oneself, is it worth it. After the funeral and such, do you think anyone remembers or care?? Thats reality, the world today. Compassion is gone from this world I tell ya!!!!!

anyways, back to my excitement. Why is this Friday any different? Coz i get to go home to my home sweet home and my bed!!!!! instead of being like a "anak setinggan" tumpang at people's apt while they are away on leave!!!! It would be great to be at home, talk to people you're familiar with.

Consulting is abit scary as i dont'know much of the consultants. As i didn't have much chance to work with them. So i am quite reserved when it comes to talking to them. All I heard is that they gossip mega alot! Imagine.... Can't be a good thing rito?

Alrighty.. whats the plan for the weekend before having to come back to the hell hole on Monday boarding flight at 7.30am. Goodness! just thinking about it is making my brain hurt. I have to wake up at 5am. Imagine that... what the crap I tell ya!

This weekend I am just gonna chill!!!! Since i have already informed them of my lack of skills to finish up this program and they still insist that I do, then they should know what they are getting themselves into.

Can't wait till 5pm today when I get to leave for the airport and head home.

YIPPPEEEE

Hell Hole?

Okie, seems like i should have written on tue and yesterday. Since they were the worse days of my life. Been in Penang since Tuesday. Crap manager tells me on monday almost noon that I am to pack and leave for Penang.

Been in Penang for 3 days now. On Tuesday, had the greatest nitemare. Arrived here, went straight to work. Okie the environment here is not good. Firstly, I am being dump with the programming crap. Something that I have always known that I won't like it. Then becoz of the emotional stress about the restructure. Everyone told me its better to have a job so i thought i will give a try. But after this, I realized that I am not cut out to be a coder.. seriously dreadful.

And this assignment here is not just a normal reports per se kind of coding. Its totally different, even the girl who is suppose to help me here doesn't know how to help me. She has mentioned that the code is too complex. Then what am I to do.

Totally depressing. On Tuesday i couldnt' sleep obviously. Didn't even know how to start the coding. Imagine that. Then I told the PM, I don't know how to start. Then decided to finish up some other ppl's program. The gal has gone for vacation.

OH! GOODNES!!!! reading people's code can be total mental torture.

Something really incredible happened on Wed at 4am when i couldn't sleep. I went totally crazy. Started crying. And I asked God to Help me. Coz i didn't know what to do and the mental torture was killing me.
Then i went to dial up to my office to kill time. At 5am, I try to sleep. I prayed and then while closing my eyes, I had a vision. A vision of lady sitting at the top edge of the bed very close to my head and she made the sign of the cross on my forehead. She was wearing a light blue almost greyish type of dress. I think its Mother Mary. I dont' think its my imagination. After that i just slept off and woke up at 7am. I asked for rest! coz i was so tired.

Well since then and about 5.30pm today I manage to progress abit. But not much. Well.. this blog is getting long. I should end it....

Hopefully i will be better and someone will come rescue me from this shit! soon! or else I will be a crazy woman!!!!!

Beginning of new week

Here comes monday again! One would think that after a weekend off, one will be refreshed and totally motived. On the contrary!!!!! I feel lethargic and walking around the office and bumping into people, can only make me come up with a fake happy smile!!!

The big thing in my mind is, whats install for me this week? No more programming ahhhh!!!!! Well, got to stay positive and focus, need to create the +ve energy of not getting into any more coding shit! I am in a totally catch 22 situation. I am so visible in the office and they know that i am not assigned into anything. Therefore I have this great feeling that I might be pulled into any jack shit.....

What should I do! I went for my aura reading yesterday. Sigh. I had a long thought about it as I wasn't sure if this is the right thing to do. But thinking that my whole family is actually wearing crystals these days... I would think it should be okay.

As suspected the whole thing was RED!!!!! ALERT ALERT its on FIRE. Anyways... hopefully i will be able to change all this in this 3 months. As I need real luck to progress in my career. Money is also something that is stagnanted.

Well i guess i should take this as some seeking thing. Still need to rely on God. But I have to have a turn of faith. Which is to totally TRUST. I haven't out the reason why I can't seem to be able to trust people. I find it extremely hard to do so.

Praying for a Good Day and Week ahead of me. And praying for Good news!.....

Is courage all we need or ... some miraculous intervention

Well, its finally Friday, Yup pi da bi do.... But why is my heart still feeling so heavy not to count the sleeply eye lids too. Yesterday was Ascension day - went to church. Hoping to get some good inspiration. But not really... but the stuff from my Helen Steiner Rice calendar helped alot.

Today I received an email from Jeff Chiew. Wow he is doing so well and happy in the States. Pictures of vacation in Bahamas and leaving for another vacation to London tomorrow. Sigh. WHat a blissful life. I guess being happy go lucky is good.

I long to be like that. But do i have the courage to be like Jeff, just pack his bags one day and leave for the States with no job... nothing But yet today he is working as a contractor for HP and earning tons to be able to travel and live a happy life!

Do i have the courage to just pack and leave for AU? I am so not a risk taker. But is it time for me now? I dunno. or do i need a miracle to let me see where my life is heading before i dare to take the plunge.

Somtimes I think to myself. What is the worse thing that can happen? Is being without money so terrible? At this point , my answer is yes!!!!! Or is this just fear engulfing me.

Fear has been so much part of my life. In the mastery class, they have asked me to identify what has caused this? I DUNNO...... i wish i can identify this.

Someone who has probably met me when i first graduated and just started working, you would see the real difference in me. Has working life made me sceptical of people and trusting people. It has made me crawl back to my shell and be the quiet person who just take whatever that comes along and pray and hope that things would be better?

I want to get out of this rutt..... the lousy life.. the lousy job......

When will God hear me and release me...... from this pain!

Its just Tuesday

Sometimes, you feel that time just flies. But sometimes its just a drag
I have been having sleepless nites since the time I moved to this job role. Hair looks crappy. looks like its so unhealthy and the scalp is already showing.

What is happening to me!? I don't know what else to do. But I truely wonder though whether there is anyone who like their job. Maybe there are people who are doing what they are passionate about. But I guess its kinda rare. Maybe those people are people who found what their passion really is and just decided to leave the corporate world to do what they are passionate about. It also takes guts I guess. Esp going into something so unknown.

I wonder if I will ever find what I am passionate about doing. I can't even achieve my short term goal. Its bloodee sickening. Its so draining.

What should i Do. I have been asking myself this question for a long time now. I wonder when was the last time I was seriously happy. Can't recall. I do laugh but its that really laughter so just.. part of me showing a reflex

ITSSSSSSS (!@*#&!*@(#&(!@*#

Today sucked!!!!! I thought it was going to turn out well with the interview but it sucked!!!!!!! Why!!! coz this world is full of arsehole. I mean i told them i wanted a change of env. Then he gives a 3rd degree on that, after telling me that he was from a vendor env too. SCREW HIM!!!!! so if he doesn't like his job.. what does that have anything to do with me?

I am getting really tired of this job hunt thingy.. its dicing me... into pieces!!!! Totaly!

Maybe i willjust advertise for a husband.... and be a housewife.
Tired is the word. Frustrated with life.... ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH